Attention All Television Producers

Michael Phelps is NOT THAT INTERESTING.

Awesome

Found this fabulous thing here.

Fuck

Yesterday, the sale of our house was supposed to close.
Wait, no, this is not deja vu. This is not July. This is September, and it the SECOND of our house sales not to close.

For this particular sale, we lost approximately $21k of profit. We are giving the buyer the sweetest goddamn deal of the century here, all with FHA and Nehemiah programs. And still, this fucking bonehead has the audacity to accrue SIXTEEN THOUSAND dollars worth of debt in one month, bringing his personal debt to income ratio to an untenable (for FHA) standard.

This jerk is bringing NOTHING to the table. The Nehemiah program essentially pays his closing costs and downpayment, partially through FHA's reasonable terms, and partially through a generous donation from us, the absolutely screwed sellers who have lost $21k in two months in this sinking market.

But that still isn't good enough, and this idiot racks up even more debt due to "circumstances that couldn't be avoided."
Circumstances as in, you're just too irresponsible and stupid to survive a month with increasing your personal debt? I don't know.

So far, this deal is not dead. It is just......not happening yet. He needs to figure out a way to pay the debt at closing. He is apparently "trying" to do so. Our agent is "trying to find out what can be done to make this deal happen." I have tried very hard to make it clear, but am willing to spell it out exactly, that that only way more money will be given to this deadbeat is from the broker's commissions, I ABSOLUTELY WILL CUT OFF MY GODDAMN NOSE TO SPITE MY FACE.

I will not offer any more of our meager profit to this imbecile.

So, welcome to an active home sale in this market. I have bought two homes now. One a condo and one a house. Both times I was on time with my shit together at closing. No transaction has ever been delayed because of me.

What is the point of being financially responsible anymore? Miscreants and idiots are kings in this housing downturn.

I will be delighted not to own anything anymore. I sincerely hope that day is on the near horizon.

Is It Just Me?

Or do you think that in every picture of Katie Holmes, she appears as if she is lurching about in her ugly designer shoes, and appears significantly uncomfortable in avant garde designs and fashions that do not flatter her and despite her best efforts refuse to start trends?

These latest series of jeans photos that have hit Just Jared and Perez Hilton are atrocious. I've never considered Katie Holmes as anything other than a mildly interesting up and coming star. Which disappeared, of course, when she married Tom Cruise and pledged her love to Xenu. Now she is annoyingly thrust into center stage, when she has never been captivating enough to hold the attention of audiences on her own.

I just gathered the plates from the cats' latest wet food encounter. They get wet food every night, because I'm a sucker. They don't get the same wet food two nights in a row. I know what they like and I buy what they like. I know, I know. But they're my babies!!!!! Whatever little thing I can do to make them happy, you know.....

So anyway, they had flaked tuna last night. I picked up the plates this morning and they have backbones in them!!! The cats licked all the meat from the bones, and there are distinct backbones and other bony remnants in the dish. Gross! Out of all the things I feed them, I have to say I hate the fish ones the most. They stink up everything, especially the trash (the old can) and the dishwasher (the plates until I rinse them). Barf.

The only worse thing was when Finny was a kitten and lamb made him fart. THAT was unpleasant, to say the least.

Don't You Wish

That a side effect of heartburn would be to actually breathe flames?

I wouldn't mind it so much then.

Forecast: Annoyance

Note to CNN, MSNBC, and all the television news storms: Not every goddamn storm needs to be the top story. I realize that no one wants to drop the ball, Katrina-style again, but honestly. Do we need every website to scream that there's a potential disaster behind every tropical storm? Its going to be a long season.

I'm also calling out to all the media everywhere, STOP. You're waay too caught up in your own perceived importance. You believe you're critical so that we get every nuance of every comment ever spoken. This latest Obama-Lipsticked-Pig brouhaha is a completely manufactured shitstorm. Sometimes, folks, an analogy is just an analogy.

The cats are hungry, but babies, you're going to have to wait. Mama's on a roll.

I am also incredibly disgusted by the property manager of our house. He's a complete tool. I've not spoken of this much, since this blog is read by mostly close friends who knew this, but at the time I quit my job I had been managing over half a million square feet of biotech laboratory space. I had been managing this much space for over four years. My portfolio had an annual income of $21M. I was constantly overworked, it was some of the most incredible stress I've ever experienced, and every day brought an avalanche of new issues and challenges. Yet still, I ran circles around the rinky dink property manager who manages our home. He talks a good game, but never responds to any request, and has a litany of excuses as to why he doesn't return phone calls or come by to make repairs. I am seriously thinking about starting my own residential property management firm once the baby is born, because if it is this easy to charge this much for a house, I would be rich in a year.

But I digress (and yes babies, I'm coming, just one more second)....

I am absolutely horrified by the state of America's intelligence today. I have been performing an in-depth study of human evolution over the last two weeks by watching every People's Court iteration on television. And I've come to the conclusion that the rate by which America's intelligence is decreasing is alarming. I'm having tshirts made, and as soon as they are done I'm starting a revolution. If you would like to join my revolution against stupid people, you will be asked to sign something, because that is the most common thread (aside from appalling grammar) that I am seeing in our decline.

What is refreshing is that some of the judges, Judge Judy, Judge Marilyn Milian (who I love) and Judge Joe Brown, are as disgusted by today's idiocy as I am. You can see it in their derisive comments. Judge Judy doesn't play games, she called a woman an idiot this morning. I agreed with her wholeheartedly. I plan on recruiting them shortly.

Okay, they're circling me like hawks now, I'm on call for wet cat food supply. Gutentag.

I Should Have Been A Model

I was watching project runway last night thinking that being a model would be so cool. Not for the clothes or never eating, or the coke addiction or any of that fun stuff, but for the simple fact that every time you do your job someone brushes your hair first.

I love having my hair brushed, it is probably the single thing I enjoy the most in the whole world. Except perhaps for falling asleep or watching Lucy sleep in a patch of sunlight.

Wow

Sarah Palin's a real bitch.

And the Republicans apparently don't care about uplifting the country, they only care about attacking people.
And if I hear one more thing about McCain's POW experiences, I'm gonna barf.

Stop Now, Media, You Need to Stop Now!!

After the initial shock that was Gov. Sarah Palin's appointment as the VP candidate for John McCain, the media is out in full force, speculating that she pretended to give birth to her 5th child, Trig, in order to assume the child of her teenage daughter. Now the news that her daughter Bristol is indeed pregnant at the age of 17 is being vultured by the assorted media, along with the reports of her husband's DWI. I am appalled by today's media. It has long past reached a crescendo of absurdity. No one has a private life anymore, no one is judged on the basis of their political activities only. I'm sick of it!

If Sarah Palin pretended to give birth to her first grandchild, so be it. They made that decision as a family, and we should respect it. If true, it isn't the first time this has happened in the world, and save this young girl and her mother the nitpicking into it. Judge Sarah Palin on her statements, on her political record, and on her merits alone.

I couldn't watch the Democratic National Convention. The media commentary was unbearable. Same with the Olympics, the announcers would NOT shut up during the events, so that the television audience could barely concentrate on watching these athletes perform. What has happened to media everywhere is an abomination. We are left no room to speculate on our own, we need quasi-qualified announcers to shove their every inane thought down our throats until there is no room left in our heads for our own opinions and thoughts.

I could go on and on, and I might just do that, but my blood boils now.

At Devi's Request....

Belly Pictures!! I am 25 weeks pregnant today!

Discourse for the Modern Age

Although I am still amazed by Facebook, the novelty has worn off and I see it for what it is, a modern day communication system. People communicate by reading each other's typically one-line status updates, or by poking each other, sending gifts, etc. In this MTV era, where our concentration can only last past the next 3.2 seconds, this is a perfect medium. And I don't mean to slam it, because I've reconnected with so many college era friends that I was wondering about. I was able to gather more details about friends and some family through this, so that's nice. And I like that you can update at your leisure, you're not forced to have a correspondence with someone when you don't feel like it, which has always been the death of my friendships. Because I rarely feel like talking. I'm not sure why that is. I love to hear what's going on with people, but the retelling of my life stories has always bored me.

Right now, I spend my days in near silence. I talk to Lucy, or sometimes I'll turn on the TV to hear people talk, or if I'm out I'll talk to salespeople, but for the most part, I don't talk to anyone. I would have thought that would be perfect, but it is actually pretty stifling. So when the Pope gets off work, I chatter at him endlessly, until he gets irritated with me, barks at me, and leaves me crying all the way home from the store. And doesn't even notice.

I found a blog from an old boyfriend, who is in a polyamorous, open relationship. I have met his wife, who is an awesome person, a truly beautiful person, inside and out. I saw them a few times when I lived in Seattle and they lived in Portland. But I read his blog, and found entries of heartbreaks from broken side-relationships and it makes me wonder why anyone who has found a soul mate (because his reflections on his wife, child and their life sound very harmonious and special) would freely offer themselves up for the heartache and pain that encompass dating. I can't imagine the person that would date someone who is married with a child, whether or not the spouse approves. I suppose there are people out there that don't want the attachment of a mate, who just want a relationship of other determinations, and I should preface this entire comment by saying I have no idea the structure of my friend's open relationship, or what kind of relationships they each are involved in. I just remember how heartbreaking dating was, and how empty and unworthy my experiences within it left me feeling, and I can't imagine opting to continue that cycle. Even for someone who would be interested in talking to me.

Maybe that's the reason they seek outside company, to keep finding people that are interested in their old stories and observations, to make them feel beautiful and mysterious again.

The main thing I notice about my old college friends is that for the most part, they stayed in the area I knew them in, and they seem happy. And although I am happy about the upcoming baby, there isn't a whole lot else about my life that makes me happy at this point. Although I like our house and love the fact that family is close by, Sacramento is not the place for me. I don't like not working, but the thought of going back into commercial property management again at the end of this makes me a little sick to my stomach, I truly do not want to do that anymore. There were things I was interested in at one point. And out of most of my friends, it seems like only I have abandoned them entirely for stability, money and god knows what else I abandoned my dreams for. Influence of others? Probably, as ashamed as I am to admit that.

Faceous

I joined Facebook yesterday morning and subsequently sucked the whole day dry of any potential.
I sat on that damned site all morning long looking up random people from my life and.....I FOUND THEM. Totally odd weird people that I would never expect to be hooked up to an internet friend site. Bizarre. I was also found by people, within an HOUR of logging into the system, high school friends found me and asked me to be their friends. Wonderful feeling.

Today I am going to be productive.

Just as soon as I get done posting this and drinking my coffee. ;)

Hot Time In the Old Town Tonight!

It is 12:22pm in the Sacramento Area and the temperature is 75 degrees.
For the last three weeks, there has been an endless blue sky and shining, hot sun.

What a change from just over one month ago when all we had to look forward to was perhaps a few hours or a weekend of sun from our rainy home.

Today is Saturday, August 23 and I am 34 years old today.
My husband, the Pope, has turned 37 today.

A shared birthday makes for somewhat odd bedfellows. I recognize so many of my own traits in my husband's decisions, outbursts and general way of life. Luckily, we are also very different, he is far more temperate than I am, and not as prone to anger or anxiety as I am.

He is usually depressed about getting older and grouchy on his birthday, while I am generally happy and content on mine. My twenties were no great shake, I have no desire to hold onto youth, and I am (so far) welcoming crows feet (because it shows I laugh) and creaks and groans (because it makes me slow down a bit) that accompany getting older.

We also received some other good news this morning. For the last week we've been negotiating on a new offer on our house.
The last go-round of the counter offer was accepted and we have a deal.

Although we are elated to have the pressure of this house off our backs, we have lost a significant amount of money on this deal. We will walk away with a small amount of money, but overall lost almost all of our equity and down payment. Down here in Sacramento, however, most people are living in houses which in the last year have lost over $100k in equity. The market in Sacramento was hit harder than any other area in the nation (to believe the newspapers and homeowners). I believe them. There are hundreds of new developments, most neighborhoods sitting empty or being overrun by renters. Beautiful, brand new homes turned into rentals for more than one couple. We rented in a nice, more expensive neighborhood to avoid this trend.

We spent more money so that we could see things like we saw last night: A woman walking with her just barely toddling daughter. We waved and she waved back. The neighbors next door that we haven't met have a tiny baby inside, as evidenced by that tiny baby cry we hear.

So things are good, and looking up on the start of this 34th year of my life. We have a new baby coming in four months, which we're delighted about. We have a nice house with friends and family very near by. We have plans tonight with a couple that we love to see.

I am feeling good.

Better

Yesterday we got internet and cable. Today we get our washer and dryer.
I am slowly climbing back into humanity, it feels.

My mom arrived yesterday and the sight of her lifted my heart like you wouldn't believe.
It is impossible to be unhappy with my mother around you.

She is just joy encapsulated.

So she is here, and Sears for some damn reason called me at 7:26am to confirm the delivery of our washer and dryer, so I am up drinking a cup of coffee and watching Women's Gymnastics recaps on Comcast's On Demand feature.

I love television.

I love internet and I love my Mac.

I'm BACK.
And I'm retired, so I'll try to blog every day. And hey, I'll start trying to make them interesting again! Woo.

Sort of Back

I'm sort of back.
That is, I can get online after my husband is done working for the day.
But by that time I feel as if I've missed the day.

I've been tired the last two days and my dreams are still full of anxiety.
I wake up feeling worse than I did when I went to sleep.

My mom has booked a ticket to come out to see me this weekend.
At the age of 33, nearing 34, and expecting my first baby, I can safely say that I need my mom.

Tomorrow I'm off to babysit my darling nieces, who always cheer me up.
I'm lonely and stressed and tired. I'm very very tired.

The heat in Sacramento is unending. It saps the very soul right out of you.
As much as I wished for no rain, I did not wish to be fried everytime I walked outside. We've let the cats out and they usually come right back in. They are obviously still Seattle cats.

Although Lucy senses that something is wrong with me. She doesn't leave my side, and spends every available moment clinging to a part of me, purring and squeaking at me. I think she's trying to tell me that everything will be okay.

I certainly hope so. It is time for some things to start being okay.

Maybe once the baby is born I won't feel so desperately lonely.

Battered

Writing to you from Sacramento, where our world has fallen apart.
A week ago, more than that, Tuesday the 15th of July, three days before closing, my agent called me to tell me that the buyer was backing out. WHAT? I said.

The buyer officially backed out the next day. We were leaving on Saturday with the house unsold, vacant, and now we are two states away.

I can't even get into this. I can't think about it too long without bursting into tears. How do we rent a place down here when we still carry the mortgage payment on our house in Seattle? How will we ever find another buyer when all the news is full of banks closing, stocks dropping, economy sucking???

I am not even on the verge of a nervous breakdown, I'm in the middle of one as we speak. I'm deep in the throes of my private little nervous breakdown. With that one phone call, everything we hoped for busted right out from under us.

Out! Done! Woo!

My last day of work was yesterday.
Everyone expected me to feel poignant and sad.

But did I? Nooooooooooooooooooooooo.

The joy I felt threatened to blossom over into hysterical giggling by 2:40pm.
By the time I drove out of the garage for the LAST TIME IN MY LIFE, I was laughing.

Goodbye and good luck to you. I'm off to be happy again.

And pack, dear god, we are moving in 5 DAYS!

Hello triple digit heat with family.
Hellooooo Hellooooo Hellloooooooooo!!!

A Special Message

XELA!

You wrote me the greatest email, and I am going to write you back.
I wish I could sit down with wine and do it, but alas.

Although I've heard there's great non-alcoholic wine, JLohr actually makes one, called Ariel.
Maybe I'll get a bottle of that and sit down this week.

I will write you back, love you for sending me such an awesome letter.

Scattered

We are packing!
We have procrastinated beyond all procrastinating and now we are really doing it.
Packing always reminds me of things I've wanted to do with little bits and bobs that I've been keeping.

So I pack, find bits and do things with them.
Like tiny corners torn off of cards I've received in the mail. Addresses I wanted to keep somewhere.
I just entered them all into my computer.

I am so organized.
And this is how packing starts.

Packing ends with me up in arms, sick of all my crap and piling things into random boxes, sure I'll never open it again.

And typically, I don't. And about four years later, on some other move, I'll discard that stuff.

But for now, those things are the priceless artifacts of my life. Required so I remember who I was and where I've come.

Freedom

Yesterday, I lost my job. I didn't get fired, they just accepted my pseudo-resignation. I had tried to move with them to Northern California, but they didn't have anything for me there, so they said that and then there were these long pauses. They were willing to keep me on in Seattle, but the Pope needs to get to Northern California as soon as possible, so that wasn't an option for us.

So, effective next Friday, I am no longer an employee of the company I have worked at for 9 years.

I feel ELATED.
I feel like I was just paroled. I have been so unhappy for so many years, and then the February Scotland explosion burned me to a crisp.

And with that brief update, I am going to pack.
Because my new life is waiting for me.

Waiting for the Pope, waiting for the Pup and waiting for a happy Salome to come down and remember that life shouldn't have to be so hard, and you shouldn't have to work yourself into a chronic hive condition in order to live.

Happy Independence Day.