Dear Midwestern Family.....

Please don't send me Democrat jokes. Regardless of how many times you send me the Ted Kennedy toasts to everything joke....(and let's be clear here. I read accounts of the drowning girl in his car, and I do think it happened and that Kennedy money bought him off, and I do think he's an intoxicated blowhard, I certainly wouldn't vote for the guy, but back off, it isn't MY STATE!) REGARDLESS of all of that, I am still strongly Democrat and wouldn't have voted for your Republican President (nor any of his bullshit RNC propaganda) even if someone had lit my eyelashes on fire.

ALSO - and this is specific: I got a forwarded email today about the fact that (GASP) Wal-Mart contributes 5% of certain purchases to the GLBT organization, which benefits (FAINT) homosexuals. This email urged me to BOYCOTT Wal-Mart for this unneccessary evil and to ask all my friends to do the same.

Listen. I would never have the temerity to dictate where my friends shop and I'll shop at Wal-Mart SPECIFICALLY now that I know they are supportive of alternative lifestyles.

I know it is often said, "Some of my best friends are......[insert whatever you want here]" But in this case it is very true. Some of my best friends ARE gay. And I love them. And I don't want them to ever get an email like this. Nor will I propogate this bullshit. I was extremely offended that someone who knows me (even ever so slightly) would ever DREAM that this was an appropriate email to send to me.

Look, I didn't come into your home when you were falling in love and tell you who it could be or why it couldn't be the way you just naturally felt. And I don't expect you to EVER come into my home and tell me any goddamned thing like that.

So, look. Midwestern Family. I love you. I think you raised me right. I think I grew up in a great place to grow up. And I just grew up slightly differently, and I'm so damn glad I did.

Because, hey? There are some really wonderful people out there, if you could just expand your mind a bit. There are some wonderful people out here, and I'm lucky to know them.

And I'd vote to give them benefits if they needed them. And I wouldn't send them to IRAQ, nor would I preach about my high moral standing while taking bribes from every oil company and evangelical special interest group with a check and a dripping pen.

So please. I respect the fact that you think the way you do.
Have the decency to return the favor.

And send some Tony Packo's pickles, next time you think of it. Liberals can't make spicy pickles for the life of them.