Monday, June 23, 2008


SK and Julie, you guys are too cute. By the way, you live near each other. :)
I don't actually CARE what anyone thinks about the names. I just kinda wanted to see them in print.

But I am bowing to the stated advice of you guys and taking down that post.


I guess everyone hated them, because no one said they liked them!

I'm not entirely sure, myself. We like them, but I'm not 100% when I see them in writing.

I will NOT keep you posted on this. Hee Hee.

Friday, June 20, 2008

People Fucking Bug Me

Do you ever have days when the only thing that can be counted on is that people are idiots who screw things up and do a half-assed job ALL OF THE TIME?

I can't even tell you the number of times I'm faced with someone being a complete dipshit.
Brick walls don't give, I swear that I'm surrounded by the thickest, least sharp tools in the shed.

I'm trying with 3/4 of my brain tied behind my back and I still outperform you.

That is so sad, and you're gonna be completely screwed when I leave.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Oh, and THIS

Good Enough

My daily efforts are a study in Good Enoughs.
Appearance in the morning? I shrug and say, Good Enough.
My reaction to work stress? Couple my already irritable nature with some serious hormones and if I don't cry, if I don't burst blood vessels in my eyes and if I don't break out into a furious sweat? Good Enough.

Work product.....well, I've been doing "good enoughs" for many a year now. What is astounding to me is that no one has noticed (not so they'd comment, at least) on the fact that I care so much less these days and I go above and beyond just about not at all anymore.

I got rebuked about my absence from posting, so obviously that is not good enough.

My (in)ability to quit smoking? Not good enough.
Exercising consisting of walking to the refrigerator or snack drawer? Not good enough.

I haven't packed - closing date is July 18th, we have a signed agreement, yah!!
I don't know where we're going, the escrow papers asked for a forwarding address today and it sent me into a panic.
What's the abbreviation for 1265 Nowhere To Go Street, Hyperventilating, CA?

I'm reading books like they're blood transfusions. I need to swarm my thoughts with the polished prose of others, calm me down. I don't do anything because the very act of starting something makes my throat constrict and my chest start to heave, because where do I start? How will I ever finish, where am I going to go? How do you fix a leaking instahot and how are we going to drive three cats for two days down to California when Lucy screams in the car unless I let her on my lap.

I remember moving from San Diego to Los Angeles. My ex-husband wouldn't let Lucy sit on my lap, and she cried and the drugs made her third eyelid stay permanently halfway over the surface of her eyes. She stumbled and fell, drugged but frantic, trying to get to me. I finally snapped at him, as he pulled her wailing away from me to just let go of her. Take your hands off of her. He let her go and she curled on my lap and passed out, exhausted. She didn't make a peep for the three hour drive. Because have you ever noticed that unless it is 2 in the morning, the trip from San Diego to LA takes forever and the traffic is miserable?

I found a photo album of my first year in college when I was home in Ohio this past weekend. I had forgotten so much about that year, but what I felt when I looked at the pictures was the PROMISE I felt that whole year. The sun and the ocean and the music and the people and the youth!

And inevitably I screwed up opportunities, I chose poorly and boxed myself into places that make my skin itch and my histamines freak, and now here I am, four months pregnant and nowhere to go and not sure if I'll have a job in a month.

Because being pregnant for the first time wasn't enough to think about. Not nearly enough to worry about.

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Forgive Me

I sit down almost daily to write something to you, but I agonize over what I would say.

There is a lot going on, and I'm nervous and stressed out, although all of it is joyful.

We are going home to my family's house in Ohio next week. That always brings forth great stories.

If I can break this strangling writer's block sooner, I will tell you how I feel about:

1. The offer that we signed on our house. Once they accept, we will leave on July 18th.
2. The widget that continually shows me my baby looks like a baby, we're having a baby, oh my god I am so unprepared!!
3. Finally leaving the job that has made me miserable for over three years. The joy that threatens to pour out of me sometimes is incalculable.
4. My recent distaste with the pretentiousness that is NPR. That is Celebrity Gossip, that is almost everything around me.
5. How much I hate Hillary and wish she would go away and never come back. As a side note to that, how much I resent being lumped in to her supporters, just by being a woman. She does not speak for me. She never carried my vote.
6. The fact that making a list seems to have helped my writer's block. Hmm. Interesting stuff.

Now, off to make breakfast and pounce on my sleeping, darling husband!!!!

Thursday, June 05, 2008

For Your Consideration

I have eaten almost one loaf of sourdough wheat bread in three days.


Hello, my name is Salome and I am a sourdoughaholic. With Hummus.


I had a wretched moment of GAG this morning.
I was barreling down the street, merrily barreling, as you do, when I saw a crow plucking at something. I figured it was some of the fast food trash that the fast living trash in the neighborhood eats and then promptly throws on the ground, preventing good upstanding citizens like the Pope and myself from SELLING THE GODDAMNED HOUSE, so I didn't think much of it at first.

As I drew closer, however, I realized that the crow was beak-plucking the dessicated, destroyed, bloody area where the head of a now dead mouse had been.

A crow was eating the head of a dead mouse.

I haven't previously thought much of crows, I find them to be thuggish and ugly, and their caw sounds too much like arrogant bitching for me to find it charming on a Saturday afternoon. But THIS. THIS is a reason to buy a BB gun.

Who knows when they will graduate from mouse to cat? And when that happens? War will be declared between Salome and Crows.

I will murder them in murders.