Virginia Tech Massacre

Totally unlike how I felt when the Columbine tragedy occured, I am filled with sadness for the Virginia Tech shooter.
An immigrant - painfully isolated and unable to relate. Attending a school with the over-privileged.

I myself have issues with the over-privileged. You think, I work so hard, I work SO HARD and still I am scraping by.
And this kid invents (by all accounts thus far) a romance with a completely unrequiting girl, and then loses it and kills everyone in sight.

I'm still interested in seeing what his possible motive could have been, but far less am I sorry for the innocent bystanders.
I am sorry for this poor kid's rage and unhappiness and what would have caused him to violently self-destruct like this.

I know what it is like to feel isolated and completely out of touch with people. I also remember well being ridiculed in grade school and even to an extent in college.

I escaped, but I think there were moments when I was an insult or sly glance away from climbing the tower with an UZI and making my fatal point.

I am still writing nasty letters because they bleed off the pressure of living in a society that so focused on the wrong things.
No one gives an inch to anyone else, because everyone's leverage is so hard come by.

This world, this life, it is all so hard, and it just gets harder and more complicated, and as I get older there are just more disappointments and more difficult things to grasp.

I feel for everyone who has just HAD ENOUGH OF IT ALREADY.

I do, I really do, I understand.

I'm finding writing anything to be very difficult lately. I don't even type well, I'm clumsy on the keyboard which is unlike me.
I'm not depressed, but I am disappointed. There are too many people living just for themselves. 9 out of every 10 I meet are doing this. It makes it almost impossible to be kind and try to effect some change. Because the first through 8th person you will try this with will take advantage of you, because they can. Because you asked them to. Because you didn't just assume they would screw you, and so you didn't protect yourself and watch out for it.

Okay, can anyone help me with the fucking MAC? Is there anyway to be typing on a document with a font larger than 5 point? I'm going to go fucking blind already.

I practically need magnifying glasses to read what I'm typing. And the internet? Fucking forget about it.
Everything you pull up to read would fit in my wallet. On the head of a pin. What good is the ability to be working on several windows at a time when I can't see anything on any of them?

I love the new computer and all, but FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING GOD, you're a MAC, you're supposed to be intuitive to learn, and YOU'RE NOT. All those commercials? Bullshit. Making the transition from a PC to a MAC has been agony.

Nothing works the way you think it should. Applications don't make sense and printing off of the internet requires an advanced computer technology degree.

Sigh.

See? Even the good things in life are so fucking complicated.

Plus I'm fat and dieting only makes me crave the things I should not have. They scream in my head all day long. Plus I have a pain in my kidney area and today my pee was orangey-pink and smelled like buttered popcorn. That can't be good.