Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Stupid Things I Do

Have you ever:

1. Asked Windows to remember a password, but then accidentally type the wrong password, so that Windows remembers the wrong one all the time and you get frustrated and are all, DAMMIT, everytime you hit enter because you forget?

2. Decide that TODAY is the day you are going to finally break out that Yoga flipchart you bought at Costco 7 years ago which you've never used and then you get it out and it won't stand up right, and every flipchart requires reading and some serious page hopping because of the awful way it is laid out and so then you get really frustrated and go pour a glass of wine because honestly, the Universe wants me to be fat?

3. See the LED screen telling you there's an accident ahead but don't see any traffic, everything seems normal, and then you round that one strip where it is a mile of no exits until your stop and then everything slows to the pace of snail and you sit and go DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT and it is precisely at this time that NPR decides to not come in all the way, but there's a story you want to hear and so you're all stuck in traffic with a lot of static and all you can think about is that you should have taken the other exit you dumbass, and now this is all your fault? And when you finally get to your exit after almost an hour someone stops dead in your lane because they think they need to get to the left even though both lanes have a left turn allowed and you're all apoplectic in your car screaming, NO NEED, NO NEED, AAAAAH, NO NEED. And they never hear you doing this so finally, in desperation of a heart attack you lay down on your horn and when they turn around all pissy you mouth the words, "GO GODDAMNIT" and give them another long blast of the horn for emphasis?

4. Decide to hit snooze and then you hit it again, and sometimes the 7 minutes feels like an hour and sometimes it feels like 15 seconds and always at the wrong end of your need and then sometimes you hit it so many times that the alarm clock gives up and stops ringing the buzzer and then you wake up at 9:50am and are all, OHMYGOD, and you don't wash your hair which is a new haircut, which almost always requires some training in the beginning and you spend the rest of the day self-conscious about it.
You cannot fluff greasy muppet hair. It won't be done.

5. Cook something that you think you have all the ingredients to, but it turns out you lack every single spice required, because you only have the fixings for pumpkin pie and only then because you didn't have them last year and you don't think Chicken, black beans and allspice sounds all that good, so you dump a lot of salsa into it and then an entire bag of shredded cheese and it is so good your tongue almost drowns and then somehow all of your tupperware has disappeared even though you just dumped out all the rotten stuff this weekend and should have freed up a bunch of them, but then you remember that a couple of them were so gross you threw the whole thing out because you'd pay $5.99 several times over not to have to eat anything out of this container again because you will NEVER FORGET the godawful sight of what happens to tuna salad when it sits in your refrigerator for close to a year, and there is a lot of your new dish left and so you pack it into three containers that actually have lids but there is still more left, so even though you're full, you stand over the dish and hork it down, because ohmygod the tonuge is drowning ovah heah and then you feel full and gross and you're probably never going to eat it again?

6. Get a comment about your drawings and think, I HAVE TONS! Well, not really tons, I was always a doodler, but most went the way of the rest of my college mementos, which is to say, who knows. But here's another from the sketch book:

p.s. Julie, Hiya and thanks for stopping by all the time! I'm delighted and have bookmarked your site, too!


Anonymous said...

OMG I luv your hair like that. So cute and sexy. Your art is very austic I mean artistic;-) It's me eva longwhoria look alike cause i can't remember my password

Anonymous said...

OMG! I have the same problem with my password on this site. I was laughing so hard at the chicken/tupperware post, Erica thought I was crying.

Anonymous said...

I'm soooo dumb. I didn't know that if I just clicked Anonymous, I wouldn't have to remember my password. Love your drawings! Shell.