Saturday, February 03, 2007

More Letters Because I Keep Thinking of New Ones

Dear Asshole in the Mercedes SUV:

You're an asshole. Flooring it alongside me in the merge lane for the 5 Freeway was a dumbass thing to do. You might have realized that when I threw myself on the horn for a full 2 minutes after you forced me to slam on the brakes in a busy merge situation.

Listen, DICK, nasty women struggling with anger issues always have the right of way.

One more thing, congratulations on driving a Mercedes. The second I saw your pallid, thin face I knew you worked in Systems Programming at Microsoft. And before you puff up your boyish chest with pride, IT IS NOT A COMPLIMENT.

No matter what you do, no matter what you drive, you will always look like you're on your way to Nerdapalooza. And any hot woman that sleeps with you is only doing it for the money. And you'll know this deep down in your conceited heart, and it will eat at you for the rest of your life.

Enjoy the car,


Dear Darling Little Girl At Target Today:

I walked past an overstuffed rack of boy clothes and caught your movement below. I looked down, and there you were, peeking out from under the clearance rack of winter boys clothes. You were so mischevious and just about the cutest thing I've seen in days. I smiled at you and you beamed back at me, a smile so sincere and bright that it lit you up like a roman candle. You made my day, sweetie.

Keep on Keeping on,


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