Sunday, May 27, 2007

BitchQueen of the House

I know I always post about Finny (who is not yet returned) to the detriment of my other kitties. But Finny was the superstar, always doing things that got and held your attention. The other kitties are older, more set in their ways, and less apt to do things that made you laugh out loud or shocked you.

Well, last night Lucy showed what she is made of. Something I have always joked about, and long suspected....she is a formidable little cat.
Lucy is a little cat. She is short, close to the ground, and has tiny features. She is shaped not unlike a loaf of bread. She is zaftig (hee) and has a tiny tail, simply put there is nothing in her physical appearance that would give any other cats pause. But I know.....she is the meanest cat I've ever seen.

We adopted her out of a pound in San Diego. We were looking for a kitten to keep our one year old cat Cali company.
We got to the pound, and there was little 4 pound Lucy, and when she saw me, she threw herself at the cage door. She did that repeatedly until I looked at my ex-husband and said, HER. She's the one. He said, she's not a kitten, she's not a boy, she's not at all what we are here to pick up. I said, no matter, it is her. I know this.

We adopted her and I took her home. She curled in the floor of the backseat passenger side and howled the entire drive home. I kept saying, You're OK, You're OK kitty, You're OK. I reached back there and soon as I touched her, she quieted down. And that was about it for Lucy and me. I'm her mom and she has always been MY CAT. No one else has ever been able to get as close to Lucy as they may wish.

She detested my ex-husband the entire time we lived together. She would climb on his lap, turn around and fart in his face, and then walk over the bed to lay on my legs.
He hated that. The Pope has a boy, Leo, who Lucy has terrorized since they met. She does this all without much violence. She will glare at him, and makes him so fearful of her that we have to pick him up to move him past her. He will stand and cry on the other side until we rescue him. Finny used to torment Lucy, but she never really raised a hand to him. She would hiss and howl, but she rarely, if ever, acted toward her little brother with any real aggression.

But I knew. I knew in a pinch that she was the one to fear.

And that pinch came last night.

A huge white cat, once we keep seeing in the backyard, ambled in last night and sampled their food. Lucy was with me on the couch, and heard him first. She slinked off the couch and bristled. I saw the cat and jumped up. The cat darted out of the kitchen, and before I knew what was happening, Lucy shot toward the cat, snuck past the wall, with every intention of heading him off at the pass. She did, and very much surprised this huge cat. He was three times her size. She hit him with a football tackle, and they rolled, biting and clawing, the entire length of our hallway. Lucy was attacking this cat. The cat was doing everything he could to protect himself, but her ears were back and she wasn't making a sound. She was going for the kill. I saw this, saw them rolling and thought, she's going to kill it! Oh my god, she is going to kill this cat!!
I followed the cats, shouting, Lucy, get in the office, stop it, stop it, stop it! I got them separated by walking up close and bending down and clapping loud right next to their ears. Lucy had rolled this white cat into a hissing, white hair flying ball to the end of the hallway, and then slammed him into the wall and was a vicious little loaf of bread-shaped anger. I got her into the office, shut the door, and meanwhile the cat ran for the door, his nails skittering on the wood, his hind legs flying, tufts of his hair swirling around the hallway. He ran past the door into the kitchen, Leo came into the kitchen, and the white cat was all, DUDE there are more of them! And he ran into the laundry room and vaulted out of the cat door.

I let Lucy out of the office, and when I looked down at my sweet girl, she was all business. She stalked out of the office and went low to the ground and started tracking the scent. She had tufts of white fur peeking out between her toes.
She is absolutely unscathed from this. But she went to bed on the far end of the bed, the one closest to the bedroom door, and I think she was watching for him. We shut the cat door after the white cat left, but I want it open for Finny. I don't think that white cat will be coming back anytime real soon.

Let it be known henceforth.
Don't fuck with Lucy.

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