Thursday, November 08, 2007

Correspondence File: 11/8/07

You may be asking yourself, why no letters Salome?
And the answer would be that I am feeling fairly mellow and that the universe at large has been behaving itself, somewhat.

It isn't that I haven't noticed your indiscretions, world, it is just that I've been working out, and that has made my mood somewhat better in recent days.

That being said:

Dear Ladies at Work Who Use the Bathroom on the First Floor,
  • Do not throw toilet paper on the floor, you miserable fucking pigs.
  • Do not lay wet towels on the wooden benches, you careless fucking pigs.
  • Do not flush tampons, you idiot fucking pigs.
  • Do not leave big piles of hair in the shower drain you balding fucking pigs.
  • Do not leave a wad of gum in the soap tray, you disgusting fucking pigs.
  • Do not leave your skanky underwear hanging from the coat hook you filthy fucking pigs.
  • Do not blow ass all over the toilet seat, you incontinent fucking pigs.
You are nothing more than fornicating swine,

Dear Lady at the Conference Who Sucked:

Eeyagh, are you a total bitch!
I'll bet your company sends you to every conference they hear about, just to get you out of the office. Thank you for making the group exercise even MORE pointless by refusing to work with anyone else, and having not the slightest ability to think outside your fat little box. Yes, fat. I think I'm fat, but I'm a supermodel compared to the groaning weight of your chair. I'm sure the people from Jamaica just LOVED it when you complemented them on their cute accents. You could just listen to them talk all day! Except when we're trying to get you to be a little creative about the assignment. I know that everything can be answered by repeating the directions on the first page of the assignment, but what makes it fun is being creative and applying it to the actual examples that we work with every day.

You must work with paperwork that clearly identifies your key objectives for you, you must have been a) raised in a house with a tyrant mother or b) work with a tyrant boss who hates you as much as I do. It probably explains a lot about you. I know you got pissed at me because I stopped writing down the drivel you were spewing, but honestly, it was a pointless exercise to begin with, and your obstinate attitude and lack of any interpersonal skills bored me.

Look for a conference on social skills,


Anonymous said...

I LOVE when you do these, EVERYTIME!

Anonymous said...

oops, that last comment was mine. skroll